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The Dark side of the Moon

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4th August 2015

8:08pm: Short term memory going fast...
Thanks to the Hubby for fixing my e-mail address. Password reset...forgotten...reset again five minutes later...did I capitalize? Reset again...ouch.

18th February 2014

4:09pm: Nightmares...
I have had other sexual assault nightmares over the past year since beginning therapy, getting in touch with former friends, and starting a therapy journal.

They all seem to be frighteningly horrific NIGHTMARES.

I ran into an acquaintance from my first year of University. I recognized him but was not sure from where. I have been getting back in touch with a lot of these friends and acquaintances after not seeing or speaking to most of them in over twenty years. That year was an incredibly happy time in my life...and ranks as the happiest year of my life. I have never quite understood why I decided not to go back the following year. I intended to marry a young man at University after a year or two and was pretty 'hot and heavy' with him. I had mounds of friends at the University, had made a lot of friends among the Professors and Administration as well as among the students. I was a very popular student and had actually started wondering if I might have a chance at Homecoming Queen when we got to senior year. I was heavily involved in a lot of major University events and that got my face and name out there. I recognized hundreds of people from my University when trolling through Facebook pictures. Everyone I recognized was at my University that year. I had mostly friends and a few 'frenemies.' The frenemies were a small enough group to be ignored mostly successfully. Several of them seem to be "single" older females jealous of my popularity with the older highly eligible single men. All of these older women I did not know and they did not know me beyond a passing acquaintance with hostility toward me on there part. The others seem to be a younger group told a bunch of lies by a jealous high school close friend. The younger group seemed to become friends by the end of that year. I worked pretty hard to make friends out of my frenemies. That's some of what I REMEMBER.

The initial nightmare seems to have sparked either my imagination or some real honestly repressed memories. I am not sure. What I have realized as I've dug through my existing memories is that I have and had several large blocks of lost memories. One of the most significant "blocked" memories from THAT year seems to be the most likely reason for my failure to return. Basically, an extremely happy moment between me and my boyfriend was turned into an extremely embarrassing hurtful moment by frenemies...aka a 'Carrie' moment. I remember so many details now of this blocked memory that I am fairly sure I blocked it to avoid feeling trauma over it. Things I am not so sure about being real is getting secretly married to him toward the end of the year. I told my current husband about that one cause I do not remember getting divorced! IF I were a man then perhaps i'd not be so weirded out...I'd just become Mormon! But being married to someone else might be WHY my second marriage did not work out!

What's weird about the "Carrie" moment is that I can remember forgetting about it.

I have about two to three years AFTER that year of almost no recollection of my life...
3:18pm: Then I had the weird dream...
After this horrid family drama, I had a bizarre extremely weird dream...

The dream was first person and I was the woman in the dream...a beautiful dark-haired woman with pale skin. My vision flashed in and out in the dream as if from pain although I did not FEEL anything. Three people were in front of me and I was somehow in there control although I did not have any restraints on me...my vision seemed drugged or in pain. I could only see two of the people the third was a blur. The older woman was identical to my Aunt and had her voice. The younger woman looked similar to my cousin but younger, about twelve, and different. They were standing behind a third person. I THINK the third person was dark-haired but could not see them clearly. The third person was assaulting me in an extremely gruesome harmful way that I will not detail here. The woman identical to my Aunt and the young girl were cheering on the third person and encouraging them to assault me a second time. They were laughing about it and demonic in demeanor and expression. The dream was so horrible I woke myself up from it.

It is a second dream I have had of this Aunt. A previous dream had her loving and caring about an infant in a hospital with three heads and major deformities while ignoring two beautiful perfectly formed babies. The beautiful babies cried and cried and cried and were ignored.

I've been thinking a lot about the dream and wonder if it is a subconscious vision of how I feel about my families behavior.
2:58pm: Life update on Live Journal...
I keep forgetting about Live Journal...got suckered into Facebook...then addicted to Facebook. You go along for years thinking nice things about your friends and family members...then they invent online social media...and you discover People SUCK!

I grew up with a Mom and family that encouraged FAIRNESS. Mom strictly enforced fairness in the family...I was not allowed to invade my brother's space and he was not allowed to invade mine without consequences! If I was gifted with something; he was gifted with something of equal value. When she bought him a car...she gave me the cash equivalent. When dinner was served one of us got to slice the cake...the other got to choose the first piece. Mom was really good at being FAIR! We were told not to expect fairness in the real world. We were told to practice fairness toward everyone.

I was thirty something when I realized Mom was unusual.

Right now, I am dealing with some family that SEE EVERYTHING from one perspective, there own. They are not being the least bit fair. Don't care one bit that there perspective is EXTREMELY BIASED and one-sided. They don't care that they tell lies then call the person telling the truth the liar. And above all they will NOT take a look at there flawed perspective and see someone else's perspective even when ASKED nicely. If they do not LIKE what you said, then you must have some sort of illness! I made a silly mildly-negative comment on Facebook about gay people and got pounced by a lynch mob made up of friends and family. I have so many gay friends it's unbelievable. And I am so ANGRY right now that "Politically Correct" attitudes on a Controversial "Tolerance" subject are policed by a group of INTOLERANT BIGOTS! I went to my gay cousins Weddings and get LYNCHED by a bunch of people that EXPECT EVERY WORD to TOW the PARTY LINE. They barely look at my Facebook blog or "like" or "comment" on anything GOOD, HAPPY or NICE that I post. But They sit like a group of RABID LIONS WAITING for me to SAY any thing they DISLIKE and use it as an excuse to attempt to destroy me.

I have been sitting on the fence about the subject because the fence is the ONLY safe place to sit in my Family without losing people. I did not want to lose ANY of my family...not the Gay ones...not the anti-Gay ones.

They unfriended me. One of my former favorites Blocked me even though my silly mild comment was on MY blog. Then this same favorite trolls my blog after blocking me looking for something to pick a fight over. Then she sends me an incredibly ugly hurtful e-mail about another nicely-said comment on my blog. The comment was the TRUTH and had nothing to do with gay people but had to do with my feeling jealousy over her driving around in a Limo.

If I do not put on a FAKE mask of FAKE happiness over everything I write on Facebook they get angry at me. I am seeing a Therapist weekly to keep from blowing my brains out and my idiot relatives want me to FAKE my feelings in ALL FORUMS. I got the e-mail right after I left the Therapist's session. For once in my life FURY burned away EVERY TINY OUNCE of depression. I WANTED to KILL EVERY ONE OF THEM! That was new too. I went and worked out for a while to think about the situation. WHY did I FEEL THAT? Basically, I am working to improve my life and get past sadness that started with unhappy life circumstances, some deaths, and intensified with a Vitamin Deficiency and Lyme's Disease. What I have been doing...seeing the Therapist, exercising, changing the things in my life that make me sad, and starting new habits and going down new paths IS WORKING. Repeated courses of Antibiotics for several weeks got rid of the Lyme's Disease symptoms. I am starting to LOOK and FEEL like my old self...my self at Nineteen.

So WHAT is there problem? What I felt on receiving that e-mail after my Therapist session...was THESE RELATIVES ARE TRYING TO GET ME TO KILL MYSELF! I suppose they have reason. If I'm dead they are left in near complete control of the Family Business and all the Business assets. I do not think my Husband will fight them on that stuff even though I told him to. What they seem to WANT is to liquidate all assets and waste the money driving around in Limos and going Snow Skiing. That's cool if they want to do that with there part...but mine and my brother's does not go to them without major cheating on there part...mine goes to a small child. Uneasy is the country ruled by a child...How many orphaned children receive what there parents put aside for them?

That's my perspective and how I feel right now about this. Fair? Probably not!

20th December 2013

4:33pm: My Rainbow Lorikeet was murdered...continued...
My Mom's favorite dog was drowned in her goldfish pond about a month before Mom's murder on Christmas Day in Texas. Her best friend and confidant died in surgery at a hospital a week or two before Mom's murder. The drunk driver who hit her was sentenced to 10 years in prison after he voluntarily took the maximum sentence for driving while intoxicated..I believe some one told me he was likely paroled after about 2 years. I have not kept up with it because I never believed him the murder. The DA did not pursue higher charges because they said he was not speeding...and FRANKLY, ALL OF US including other members of the family believed someone at the Hospital murdered her. We were told that she was sore, had no internal damage, and was expected to recover slowly. During the course of her few days stay, the hospital kept sending someone to do "Breathing treatments" on her. My Mother refused the breathing treatments but they insisted. I backed her up after becoming alarmed and videotaping one of the "treatments." The man refused to remove the mask forcibly covering her mouth and nose even when she began struggling with him. I MADE him stop! I questioned several of the hospital staff regarding the treatments and got extremely weird answers. I was told that the "treatments" were for patients who had been bed-ridden for a long time. I said "She's only been here a couple of days, THAT makes NO SENSE!"

My Mom was very scared, but lucid and coherent all of Christmas Day. She begged me not to leave several times so we stayed until nighttime. I REGRET not allowing her to hold the Baby a final time before we left to get dinner. We got a call toward the end of dinner that she had taken a turn for the worse. We raced to the hospital and attempted to enter quickly. We were delayed at the entrance by a man who looked and acted like The Comedian "Black." I can't remember his name right now because I HATE him so much for participating in this even through a look-a-like. I had adored him before.

When we arrived at the room, they were in the process of attempting CPR on her. I video-taped as much as possible from the hallway until a nurse called the police on me. I told her point of fact "I hold the 'Medical Power of Attorney' for my Mother...I can video tape, photograph anything I want about her treatment." The Police Officer backed me up and got me a chair to sit in.

They were unable to resuscitate her. I am not a trained medical professional and do not know what are the proper procedures are for resuscitation. She had an adult ventilator shaft sticking out of her mouth and green bile coming out of the side of her mouth. I thought this WEIRD and recognized the ventilator because it was a larger version of what the Baby was on when she zeroed out at the NICU and had to be resuscitated. I took photographs because I thought it WEIRD. She also had some other tubes sticking out of her that were weirdly placed. I will not discuss this publicly because of the nature of the tubes. I did not photograph these to maintain some of my Mother's dignity. The tubes did NOT make sense to me, but then I am not a trained medical professional either.

I sat with my Mother's corpse for some time holding her hand. A nurse wearing a sports team lanyard came in shortly after she died and demanded I give her my camera and video-tape. I refused and gave the MC to a family member to hide, after the woman threatened to call the police if I did not turn it over. The woman LOOKED similar to a nurse in Maryland when I went to the ER and was diagnosed with the Stroke two years later. ( I got up and walked out of the ER refusing to be treated after seeing this nurse. The ER Doctor wanted to put me in the hospital, and basically said they weren't liable if I died at home after the stroke. The ER Doctor was ok...but NO WAY was I going to sleep in the hospital with anyone that looked so similar to a nurse in the Texas hospital walking about.)

An autopsy was performed on my Mother's corpse and the findings were different than what we were told by hospital staff.

_______

I sat with my Mother for what seemed like an hour? but may have only been 30 minutes or so. I watched the medical staff and cleaning staff clean up the room of all the medical equipment and the bathroom trash. One cleaning staff person kept smirking at me like he thought it funny me sitting holding my dead Mom's hand. I mentioned the bathroom trash because my Mom kept wanting me to go into the restroom, when we were visiting her earlier. I wondered after the fact if she had put a note in the trash. She was VERY scared and kept trying to speak to me alone. Every time she started speaking to me alone, someone came in the room and she completely clammed up. She also wanted me to rub her back and LOOK at her back which hurt her a lot. I did not look at her back, expecting to take her home from the hospital shortly. My Mom was lucid and coherent after refusing to take the offered morphene after the first day.

_______

I was the first person to enter her home after her accident as far as I know. I took photographs of a few locations in her home...the entryway into her business office. We had been there 24 hours prior on a flight stopover, flying home from DC. She had a pile of Christmas presents there and they seemed oddly trampled to me. The lock on her bedroom door was also broken if I remember correctly. Overall, the house struck me as ODD so I took a lot of pictures. I was convinced that someone had entered her home and dragged her out in her nightgown, and disbelieved that she was actually in an accident. I can not pin point everything that made me think this...but some things were odd about the house and some things were odd about her car. Things odd about her car...a pair of glasses showed up that were not hers. Her glasses were distinctive one of kind antiques that looked like John Lennon's glasses. We searched every where for them. I kept complaining about not being able to find them or her shoes which were NOT at the hospital with her. They "miraculously" appeared on a second search of her car along with a necklace she would have been wearing if driving. The necklace was odd because the chain was broken...possibly removed by paramedics....but the interior placement of the shoes and necklace struck me as odd.

We were initially told that the damage to the car was indicative of a high speed crash, but then later told the drunk driver was not speeding from everything they could tell of the crash site and other vehicle. There was one witness who I was told about who does not seem to have been interviewed...who claimed to have arrived on the scene FIRST. I was TOLD the drunk driver was an OB/GYN. This also struck me as odd because this happened 3 months AFTER we got the Baby out of the NICU safely. I recognized ONE nurse at the hospital where my Mother was from the Baby's hospital. This nurse did not attend the Baby but seemed to be a popular revolving nurse traveling from hospital to hospital. Most of these nurses were very competent and did there job at the Baby hospital. This nurse also seemed to recognized me and scowled at me. This nurse did NOT attend my Mother again after we arrived.

I recognized one of the young police officers or assistant police officers at the entry into the hospital as one of the young men from my Aunt's Church group in Houston. He was polite and not on the floor of her room.

__________

My Mother was sent a letter of "disfellowship" from her Church because she began attending an associated Church closer to the Baby's hospital. This was during the four months prior to her death when she was going to see the Baby at the hospital daily. She told me about the letter, but I also found it after her death. It cited her lack of attendance for the "disfellowshipping." Half her Church was Airline employees and a few employees of some of the other nearby big businesses. I do not think they bothered to investigated WHY she was attending another Church of the same denomination. I had asked my Mom not to gossip about the Baby to her Church, and she had respected that. A LOT of Church people were IRATE with me about this...but my Mom respected my reasons...I did not want the Baby stigmatized by gossip about her then undiagnosed condition for the rest of her life...which is the HABIT of many Church members. We were still waiting to see if she had Downs Syndrome and some other bad news genetic diseases...she had NONE of these! Mom had a lot of friends at the Church who had split off and started a new congregation because the Church management sucked. Mom stayed with the original Church but maintained the friendships with the new congregation.

__________

I was contacted during the three months prior to her death by Security from my previous employer the Airline everybody works at. They arbitrarily froze my "severence" flight benefits during the ThanksGiving holidays forcing us to drive to ThanksGiving destination. I got in contact with them asking WHY they froze my benefits. They said that they did this because they wanted to get in contact with me. They asked me who lived at my Mother's address that was on file with them...I told them "My Mother." I was TOLD that they had put me under investigation with the FBI because someone was sending packages around the country using there FedEx account number and putting MY NAME as the sender. I told them "I've not worked for ya'll in 8 years, but a lot of people knew my name and it was certainly on a lot of the company mail!" They asked me to come in to answer questions over the Holidays...I told them "I don't mind helping ya'll out...but I'm busy over the Holidays!" I told them my previous and last boss, the BEST boss I had up there and a dual American-Irish citizen, had gone to work for FedEx and maybe they should ASK him too! I contacted the VP's office at the Airline because I had friends there and asked them what this was about. I was TOLD by someone THEY sent me to talk to to contact employee HARASSAMENT services. I believe a complaint was filed. I never heard from the Airline Security again. However, I became LIVID when agents at my Maryland FedEx started acting suspiciously toward me. I said VERY loudly inside the store during one of these ODD trips to FedEx to people I believed FBI or FedEx security "This is an ILLEGAL INVESTIGATION!"

Every time, I notice that I am being followed by Police cars in Maryland...I see FedEx trucks right behind them. I went to pick up my Husband from a secure government facility one day when feeling particularly harassed. A Police car attempted to enter the facility and was turned away. He parked right next to me. I was OUTRAGED, so I rolled down my window and shouted at him "WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME???" He was very polite and responded that someone had called and REPORTED a car accident at this location. There was NO CAR ACCIDENT. The Police Officer went and spoke to the other person parked in the parking lot, a woman (I believe I took pictures) who promptly drove away. I have a lot of pictures of Police cars and Policeman who show up and park next to me or drive by the store while I am out shopping. A WEIRDER incident of this nature was a Police car that parked next to me when I was going to a Hallmark store. I entered the store and was shopping. A uniformed armed Police Officer entered the store after me. It was weird. I went about my business...UNTIL a FedEx truck showed up...BLOCKED the entrance and street view of the Hallmark store and two loud large FedEx men entered the store. THEY FRIGHTENED ALL the WOMEN in the store with there very loud ODD behavior. Even the female Police Officer gave body language of surprise and being uncomfortable. A similar incident happened on another occasion at the Mall, where two uniformed FedEx men started to following me into an Anne Taylor store, but then did not enter.

Let me REPEAT, this sort of harassment by private companies is absolutely illegal in the United States of America, it is ALSO an ILLEGAL method of investigation.

I am putting this publically because my Rainbow Lorikeet died today.

_________

I hold an expired Security Clearance with the United States Postal Service gotten for me by the United States Postal Inspectors.
12:51pm: Forgetting about accounts...
I seem to have capacity to keep up and remember only a certain number of online accounts...Facebook, despite my dislike of it, seems to have taken over my attention leaving Live Journal a temporarily forgotten account. I need to rectify this by finding an app for my iPad.

8th November 2013

9:53pm: Still Angry about my knee.
Having said that I greatly enjoyed "Ender's Game." I read the book twenty years ago so I do not remember it precisely enough to say how closely the movie followed the book... but it seemed pretty close.

I noticed the interesting take over of the planet's government by his bother Peter and sister by way of online media was not featured in the movie. Was that the 2nd book where you find out about that? Love several other of Orson Scott Card's novels...his '7th son' series is rather interesting....based on early American legend and Mormon legend. It is one of the few Scifi/Fantasy that makes use of uniquely American folklore to tell the story...most are outer space or Welsh/English folklore based.
9:18pm: Angry!
This has happened about THREE times at the same Red Robin Restaurant... I like Red Robin. I don't like being messed with.

We go in sit at a table get served, eat, drink and be merry.

During the course of the dinner I get a bunch of weird looks from various random people in the restaurant...figure it is because I wore make-up, did my hair and dressed up for a hubby "date." Recognized a couple of people but can't place them. One man looked a lot like an old college friend whose face I have been having trouble remembering...sounds like a cousins husband...but also looks like a former friend's husband. Not sure where I know him from. Other people the same but slightly more vague facial recognition on my part. Crowd is youngish 25 to 45 with kids....mostly attractive crowd...That's unusual for this part of DC...the men are usually attractive in a militaristic way and the women are not.

I get up and my KNEE feels like someone whacked me on the inside part of it. The problem is it's the WRONG KNEE to be my KNEE INJURY. Like I said this is third or forth time this has happened at Red Robin. Does not happen ANYWHERE ELSE. Did not walk enough on either knee to cause knee pain. I've been working out my upper legs and calves for months swimming... with the end result that my injured knee rarely causes me problems.

My GOOD KNEE is swollen on the inside side. So, what happened??? AND WHY ONLY AT THIS RESTAURANT??? I felt myself zone out once after eating... so YEAH...I am suspicious of food additives. ASSHOLES!
8:34pm: Apple SUCKS!
I hate Apple right now!!! They utterly and completely SUCK! The new operating system upgrade is terrible... it's like someone consulted Bill Gates on how to design it! One step forward TWO steps back! And they can't seem to get the annoying disappearing scroll bar fixed from the 2011 OS operating system. GET some people paying attention to what they are doing!!!!! And my tool bar is UGLY GREY OPAQUE! I have not had an Ugly grey opaque tool bar since CLASSIC! WHAT the hell is wrong with these guys?

30th August 2013

12:43pm: Zombies...
Well, in an effort to get over my Zombie fear...we did our annual watching of a Zombie movie... this time 'Warm Bodies.'

It was very fun. The Baby especially enjoyed the movie! During a snack break... she decided to play 'Zombie!' This included wrinkling up her face in a frowning vacant eyed star and shuffling toward us grunting. "What on earth???" Then we realized she was doing Zombie impressions and burst out laughing! Godzilla impressions have temporarily been replaced by Zombie girl!

"Mommy I want to be a Zombie!" Who knew the wave of the future was voluntary Zombieism. Lunch today was interrupted with "Daddy! Daddy! Be a Zombie!!" Daddy stinks at Zombie impressions so Mommy had to take over!

Now, my little cutie is going around growling "Brains! Brains! Big Brains!" before pouncing on us. lol.

7th August 2013

12:21am: Clarification on the Fren-enemy...
I wanted to clarify that the Fren-enemy was NOT Swandog or anyone related to her.

I granted a RL friend/acquaintance the TRUST of this blog name... This is MY GOD $#!%@ BLOG much of which is Creative and meant to be entertaining in nature... Forwarding my post to ANY family member is an act of harassment and a HUGE VIOLATION of TRUST. You ought to be ashamed of yourself TRAITOR!

I am an absolutely sane creative professional and an adult over the age of 35. I am neither responsible to nor accountable to ANYONE in my family with the exception perhaps of my husband, who pre-reads and edits many of my posts.

I do NOT give out the names along with the fictional character names of my LJ friends here and expect the same courtesy.

In addition I am NOT a member of your religious congregation and never have been. If you have a problem or question about ANYTHING written in this creative blog... ADULTS give the courtesy of shooting an e-mail directly to writer rather than gossiping behind said writer's back.

IN ADDITION EVERYTHING in this blog that I type up is a product of my intellect and protected under USA Copyright laws the second I write it. As some of my more interesting posts have gone missing I can only imagine that LJ is playing host to plagerists.
12:05am: Not sure what is up with LJ Account...
I am not sure what is up with my LJ account... Not sure I'm on the actual site. Lost about 500 entries...that just disappeared. Yikes.

Now it seems to that my friends page won't go back more than one page. Not sure what's up with this.

I've been having major problems on multiple sites since I began using my American Freedom of Speech online in MOSTLY USA forums. It's tough being a Libertarian! Ha! It's also tough being a Feminist and wittier than most of the fella's out there. No offense meant... it's just the god $@%@$#$ truth.

In addition, I seem to have a fren-enemy who knowing my RL identity forwarded copies of some of this blog to a particularly control-freakish relative... who thinks more like a NAZI than an American! Go back to Germany $@%$^^#$$%!

30th June 2013

4:50am: Social Capital?
I do not like the new feature 'Social Capital' on LJ. It makes me feel like I'm in a popularity contest in school. Just kind of a downer. So many people seem to have abandoned LJ for other social media... can you 'opt out' of this new feature?

3rd June 2013

10:23am: Loud Computer...
After sending the small super Computer to the shop to replace the hard drive that was failing.... it has returned with a loud whirling noise that sounds a bit like it's about to kill over.

It's suppose to be like new... hmmmm.... perhaps follow-up surgery is required.

30th March 2013

2:58am: Facebook/LJ Friends...
If you are a friend on Facebook as well as LJ you have likely been deleted on Facebook.

I have been experiencing REPEATED harassment in a couple of LJ communities. For example, almost anytime I post anything I am getting MOB attacked by what sounds like a group of teenage groupies. Does not really matter what I post or what tone or manner I post in. I am not 100% sure this is targeted only at me, I seem to recall Swandog experiencing something similar a few years back before she mostly abandoned LJ. I've also noticed this teenage mob action is directed at other people with occasional innocent well meaning comments. I contacted the Moderator of one group to complain about being singled out by him/her when I responded to said Mob attack. The Moderator took the TONE of the teenagers, sounded a bit like a teenager, and was COMPLETELY unreasonable. The Moderator signed his/her response to my complaint TIFFANY. The Moderator CLAIMS to be an US Airforce wife in Colorado. After complaining to this Moderator, I started having some additional weird stuff happen online that I have documented. I am considering a formal complaint to the US Airforce regarding this. I have logged complaints from a few other people regarding US military personnel and US police personnel using US military technology or experience to harass and spy on friends and/or family members.

1. An Ex-girlfriend of a close friend who was using past military equipment experience and her position in a US security company to harass and slander the close friend and several members of his family. I do not know how far she actually went with this... but she was apparently creating websites calling the family father a sex offender and may have caused him 1.5 year difficulty getting a job. I was told she was fired from her security company job when someone caught on. I was also told that she had been picking through my United States Postal Service Mail that was sitting in my mailbox. I do not believe anything was taken, but you never know.

I do not know if this person is on LJ... however, I was informed that she was in close communication with the close friend's 2nd Ex-wife in an odd conspiracy to slander the man. The 2nd Ex-wife IS on LJ.

2. A military person who hacked a family member's account to gain documentation to support his position in a child custody battle. I actually agree with his position despite his methods.

3. A police person who regularly drops police monitoring software on ANYONE speaking to his ADULT children.

4. Ettal.

I am perfectly aware that a fair number of other people employed at various businesses use there access for personal gain etc. I have a fairly large log of people doing this inside of businesses DESPITE actually breaking the US law to do so... like a close friend using her position in a bank to look up friends and family member's accounts out of curiosity. Most of this stuff is harmless despite being an invasion of other people's privacy. Stalking and harassing an individual on several different social media's and forums is NOT harmless.

If you've been deleted on Facebook, I am working to rule out LJ friends in this.
2:25am: I am not Catholic.
I completely forgot today was Good Friday, at least according to my calendar. As I am suppose to provide some Easter Eggs for the Egg Hunt I hope I got the date correct! I've spent the week taking care of a feverish sick Hubby and Baby. I've managed to escape the worst of it by taking lots of Vitamin C. The Baby was the worse off refusing to eat. I came close to insisting on taking her to the hospital because she kept refusing food... until the Hubby had the bright idea to tempt her to eat with Peanut Butter Cups! Once we got those in her she started accepting other foods. Unfortunately, our Easter pictures are going to look terrible this year.

27th March 2013

11:09pm: On STD's...
On STD's... Since so many people in the USA have gone ultra-conservative...you can't even talk about STD's even with your Doctor without being labelled a prostitute or a druggie! After visiting Amish Country and seeing what looked like an Amish youth on his year OUTSIDE the Amish community with what looked a bit like Aids sores on him.... People need to stop burying there heads in the sand about STD's.

I personally think The blue-eyed "Dutch" look of the Ammish is attractive...

I PREFER Brown eyes to blue... But I certainly don't want to only have to look at a bunch of brown or black eyes... Just cause the American people are having a religious revival and can't talk honestly about STD's! STD's can and do destroy even a young woman's fertility by causing scarring on the Fallopian tubes and ovaries. MOST are treatable with antibiotics. Cultures done on some public restrooms will show up STD germs on even the door handles. THIS is why most clothing stores put protective covers over the crotch on women's bathing suits for try-ons.

Unless you are allergic Antibiotics do NOT have even close to as horrid side-effects as STD's. You might get a little diarrhoea or a yeast infection but that usually goes away when the treatment is over and the STD is cured! Your non-organic chicken is regularly dosed with high levels of antibiotics in the USA...if your Doctor refuses to treat your STD...you might try eating cooked fresh chicken everyday for several weeks!

Syphilis is also cured with antibiotics but requires a stronger/longer course. Left untreated Syphilis can destroy your fertility, cause you to go permanently insane and kill you.

Herpes causes painful sores and a rash on your girl/boy parts, is not curable but will not kill you or destroy your fertility. I know of one or two promiscuous Christian men who go about giving Herpes to unsuspecting women! The old people are the worst about this because they REFUSE to TALK about this stuff and live like they're in the 60's!

AIDs kills you waaaay before your time if you get it! It's a touch more difficult to catch than other STD's and is preventable if you use a condom when having sex!

You aren't likely to get AIDS from a toilet seat... But other STD's are catchable that way... Especially if you dangle and your thingy is touching a dirty inside rim! Guys don't necessarily show symptoms... They just pass it on and then wonder WHY there girlfriend's have to go to a fertility clinic to get pregnant!

Sorry, to be crude... But I've been married for over 17 years... I find the new-found lack of honest talk on this subject among Christian men and women absurd! In addition it's a recipe for a lot of potential future sadness. And like I said... I like blue eyes and don't particularly want to be staring at only Black and brown eyes in another 50 years!
9:36pm: Weddings and Venereal Diseases...
Well, I've been asked to be the Matron of Honour for my honorary little sister at her Wedding....take a guess....at the end of April! Weird, huh! :).

I had wanted to host a really special shower for her...but I think maybe I'm the 'honorary' attendant. Destination weddings are difficult to plan... Maybe, an online shower? How would that work?

Conspiracy theory for the day...

The entire thing is made up, and someone is trying to get me out of town for a few days. Chances are The Hubby has decided to get himself another wife and does not want me to know about it? Why do you think all those Repub's wanted a Mormon in office? ;) I'm about to be assassinated by a bunch of crazed angry Conservatives? Whoever has been blocking my phone and Internet is trying to finish me off...after all I'm missing about 400 LJ entries...including a rather well written story intro...

OR my honorary little sister is having trouble explaining me, her Ex sister-in-law, to her future in laws! They have to keep in contact with the 2nd wife to keep seeing Grandbabies... I know my honorary little sister considers me her sister...I was married to her brother for 13 years... But I suspect I'm going to come home with some movie worthy weird stories!

My 'spidery sense' says SOMETHING is a bit smelly in Denmark!

Actually feeling kind of down about it. I suspect her future in-laws might be old friends of MY family! Just a couple of weird things said! To make matters worse despite cutting back on food and calories, I look at a couple of fat people and start swelling up!

Woke up with a swollen neck again. I've been to the "Doctor" here about some massive pain I started having last week...asked for antibiotics...at which point the "Doctor" implied I was a druggie trying to get illegal drugs... She was actually a Doctor's assistant who looked a bit like that woman who outed CIA Director David Petreus' affair with his biographer to the FBI. I chewed her out basically saying "How Dare you imply that I am a druggie just because I'm a smart woman who has done a bit of self-diagnosis!" I questioned her a bit and apparently she thinks all the low income people visiting this clinic are druggies!

Long story short, I have symptoms of untreated Clamydia and the "Doctor" I visited REFUSES to give me antibiotics! I am reminded of the black men in the 60's Government studies who died of Syphilis after being denied antibiotics! I WANT ANOTHER CHILD! This has the feel of an attack on ANY fertile American women based in DC. I explained to the office assistant that I had recently returned from sharing a bathroom with a couple of teenage girls... Who likely NEED antibiotics TOO...because the symptoms mirrored there Grandmother's earlier symptoms who also shared the restroom!

A two week course of azithromyacin is suppose to completely cure several STD's, not Syphilis. But everybody in the family including the guys need to take it. In addition you probably need to completely scrub down the restroom with a bleach based cleaner like Commet- don't mix your bleach and ammonia it creates deadly mustard gas! And wash your sheets, undies and clothes with a color safe bleach as well! If you sit around your house naked or in short shorts... You likely need to wipe down your chairs too!
12:44am: On buried memories...
Sometimes I wonder if I were in some sort of bizarre accident and forgot everything I loved... buried memories... I suppose that is a normal aspect of aging... maybe... but as my agreement with my former employer came to a complete end... I seem to be remembering people and events I had temporarily forgot... I can barely remember people's names involved in some really happy times... it's really weird. Who blocks happy memories??? It's weird like being attacked by a Harry Potter style Dementor. Who runs away from a time when they are happy? I don't think I realized that until recently? I suppose it's one of those self destructive tendencies OTHER people have! How strange.

14th March 2013

4:28pm: Angry Bird...cont'd...
I had lived a charmed life as a child in many ways up to this point... a number of odd events fixed by Deus Ex Machina. Mostly, because I had the BEST GRANDFATHER on the PLANET! He made up for my Dad's absence. I also had WONDERFUL AUNTS and UNCLE back then, who loved me and doted on me. At least one of my Aunts has been under some kind of oppressive cloud since I returned from living in England at the end of 2004.

My Grandfather was diagnosed with Leukemia. He stated and believed it was from test flying an airplane through a H-bomb after cloud. We were given the option of having a Honor Guard? at his funeral. My eldest Niece and my Dad died shortly after my Granddad. My Dad died after coming for my Niece's funeral. He SAID that he was willing to enter the State because my GrandDad had died and was no longer after him! He gave me confidence in myself as a beautiful woman by his kind words and encouragement.

The happiest year of my life was spent my first year at University before I dropped out. I had gotten into a more prestigious school and intended on attending there. My Mother at the last minute INSISTED on me attending a smaller school in an Airforce town. I always wondered why she changed her mind so suddenly. But for me SOCIALLY I was very happy and well-liked. This was an incredible experience because I was DISLIKED in high school, I do not know why.

My "luck of the draw" University roommate was best friends at Church with my best friend. She HATED me at first, as did ALL of my best friend's Church friends. Once I stopped trying to hang out with them I made LOTS of new friends there and got heavily involved in the planning of a number of School wide events. The only Freshman involved in planning the largest one. My roommate and I finally managed to become friends at which point she told me that my school best friend had "complained" about me constantly to them at Church. I was still friends with my best friend, but decided the friendship was not in either of our best interests. Her Daddy was VERY competitive and a bit arrogant about his kids being "better" than everybody else. He had pressured her to "unfriend" me after I won more class awards than her. From my perspective he had been a "substitute" Dad who I greatly admired and respected.

She constantly compared hers and my relationship to a particularly horrid book about a best friend betraying his best friend out of jealousy. Most of our teachers referred to her and I as "twins" because we did everything together. When I started thinking about this a few years ago, I went back and re-read some of the notes passed between us. She was SIGNIFICANTLY more socially sophisticated than I was at that time. I was a bit of a clueless type and made a number of "kid" social errors. I have wondered as a more sophisticated adult if her insistence that WE were just like the character's in that book may have been a bit nuts. I never thought that maybe she might needed psychological help. She was under INTENSE pressure to be the best in EVERYTHING at school. Her Daddy briefly disowned her for MY beating her out of some class awards. If I'd known before it was such a big deal to her family life I might not have competed. From the perspective of everyone else at school she had a PERFECT family.

I've been seriously bothered by the increasing attacks on my life. All the attacks have ONE thing in common, they escalate when I am being excellent at something publically. I went back to University and studied Fine Art. I was at the top of my Art Class even winning a student "golden pencil" award at a local competition held by professionals. I was "assured" by several of my professors that I WOULD easily get a Design job. One professor even offering a job in his small company if I had trouble. I finally managed to get a job when I stopped sending my resume over the computer and started hand-carrying them to local businesses at the SUGGESTION of my Uncle. The Husband who graduated from and taught at a University ranked in the WORLD top 100 ALSO had odd trouble finding a job.

Some jobs that he interviewed for were through an executive headhunter... we were later told that the man's computer had crashed and he LOST everyone's data. The job that he GOT was through an international colleague's underground assistance. The year before this I had contacted a Microsoft recruiter and was interviewing with him for a visual designer position with Microsoft. We were discussing salary when I was unable to get back in touch with him. I was told later after finding a job elsewhere that his computer had crashed and he LOST everyone's data. I found this coincidence odd. I also found it likely that whomever was causing me trouble was a computer expert and had a personal grudge of some sort against me or my family.
______________________________________________________________

I made a list of possible suspects and started ruling people off the list. I have not yet been able to rule my old best friend or her Dad off the list. He got on the list because of his willingness to CHEAT against a CHILD in order to win a Competition that his daughter did not need to win. Financially, they appeared able to afford any University in the USA, making the competition purely about pride. Both my Mother and I were told we had been investigated by the FBI because of the competition and the threat letters my friend received. I did not KNOW about SAC until after my Mother's death. Retrospectively, the very IDEA that SHE would be placed on ANY sort of anti-American watch list is ABSURD. I have also wondered retrospectively if the man used his money and contacts to hire a Private Investigator. I was told that they had invited us to a Mother/daughter event for the single purpose of gaining fingerprints and DNA off of drink glasses. If this is TRUE it's ODD. If this is FALSE, my friend needs a psychiatrist.

Her Dad may have had access to the computers at my 1st job. Her Dad at some point got heavily involved in Texas politics. I had never had any trouble with Texas politicians before this because my Grandfather helped get Reagan elected and liked Bush. My Grandfather had been a follower of Eisenhower. She and her Dad had my address and my Mother's address.

I completely cut off the relationship with her after I got married preferring another school friend as an adult. I never even considered them as possible suspects in some of the upsetting events of my life... until I started time-lining folks where they were when bad stuff happened.
2:31pm: Angry Bird...
My life has SUCKED since leaving University in 1990. Some of the reason I dropped out of University was because I was out-manuvered by my best friend and her Dad for Valedictorian of my High School. I felt like a complete failure not coming in 1st. I was told by my best friend that her Dad had managed to convince the School to change some of the rules so that she would win. At the time he was a Director for an Internationally known Computer Company. I was just some "stupid" Southerner whose Daddy nobody knew. I loved my friend and did not hold a grudge despite my Mother's INTENSE ANGER and hatred over what had happened.

Everybody I know from High School completely trusts my friend and her family.

I told the Husband a couple of years ago about what had happened back then and that it had discouraged me from academia. In one sentence he managed to turn a failure into something else... "AMY, THEY had to CHEAT to win!" His perspective changed an entire chapter of my life in a positive way.

I started thinking about the events and noticed a few other things...

I WAS NOT the ONLY student who lost something to a newcomer. Several other students that had been at the school since childhood also lost awards or place because of a "last minute newcomer." My Brother was one of these students, losing an athletic place to a student brought in on scholarship from another country. Another student that I was friends was arrested after being accused of harassing the Director's daughter. I was TOLD that his arrest was based on fingerprint evidence on a letter he had sent her. Since she was also his friend it would have been VERY EASY for ANYONE to get his fingerprints on a letter before writing it themselves. He was one of the few students who preferred ME TO HER. She loved reading mystery novels. I read fantasy, action, adventure. I am not accusing ANYONE, but she WAS my best friend. AND it BOTHERS ME that the FAMILY of a highly trusted SAC Commander would come under suspicion BEFORE my friend and her family.
1:54pm: Picture test...
I decided to upload a few more pictures onto Photobucket... only to discover that I can't find my account! Every time, I go to photobucket I get a BETA site for it. My account does not show up on the beta site. Don't know if these two pictures show up to anyone or not? Please advise.


http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee290/blue_lory/The%20Baby%20and%20Me/IMG_0505_2.jpg

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee290/blue_lory/The%20Baby%20and%20Me/DSC_0087copy.jpg


I've had trouble with my pictures being "altered" since a couple of years ago after visiting Mount Vernon...the pictures I took there looked altered. The 2nd time I noticed this was after accidentally running into Prince Harry of Wales in California.

I lightened the 1st photo of me holding the baby a few years ago in the hospital since it was taken without a flash. Any other alterations are not my doing.

I attempted to download a video onto Facebook that I had successfully downloaded onto Photobucket. After a couple of attempts the video never appeared on Facebook.

I am posting this publically because I don't know what this is about, but I think Swandog may be right about being more public.

13th March 2013

3:32pm: Infrastructure...
Well, Texas state government has got 'destroy your infrastructure' down to a science!

Just take a look at the craptastic roads and freeways throughout the state! ONE of the most PROFITABLE States in the Union and they can't even keep the roads in tiptop shape. Roads seem to take a back seat to everything else. Meanwhile, the State government awards LUCRATIVE contracts to electric company tree-trimming 'mafia' goons with multiple State businesses... who are rolling in the dough, BECAUSE they just bull-dose or hack-chop your decorative Mimosa and SLOW-GROWING Oaks instead of trimming them more frequently and less severely. Forget about obeying State and Local LAW and ONLY cutting trees in the government's legal EASEMENT! These guys have been hack-chopping Texas trees back 10 to 15 feet PAST the EASEMENTS! And Texas is overwhelmed with LAWSUITS over it! Thirty years ago they used LOCAL tree-trimmers who respected the TREE! Now they employ tree-choppers that make you want to ask for there green card. Afterward, the trees look worse than when the husband let my toddler direct bush-trimming! "XOXO, Please Honey hire a professional next year and just plant some perennials or something!"

Texas has managed to move up from the lower bottom of the education rankings to a healthy middle. That was because they decided to fund education with the State Lottery. All the funds were suppose to go to the school system... curious if that's still the case? And why with a Billion dollar lottery we still have to pay property taxes? Texas should be able to FUND free health care for ALL it's unemployed people without Federal Government assistance... and makes enough extra money to build NICE houses for the homeless and extend unemployment benefits. So, WHY do so many cities make it a CRIME to be homeless and live on the streets, but don't build houses for these folks preferring to put them in jail. Maybe if Texans would pay attention to there own State Government officials the roads would be paved better than in the Democratic (less wealthy) state of Maryland!

VOTE LOCAL CAUSE YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY IMPROVE THINGS.
1:46pm: Hypothetical thinking... I need to play Simcity!
Well, I obviously need to play a good game of Sim city! Disasters turned OFF of course! Can't have the Sims getting pelted right when they start building a Megatropolis! I have not played that game in ages! I have to give credit for the Sims game for teaching me the basics of life! You gotta get a job, get up in the morning and not be late too often for work... if you don't feed you Sims she dies... if you don't go to sleep at a reasonable hour She misses work and gets fired after too many late nights... if you don't let your Sims go to the restroom she pees on the floor...etc... Once I figured out all those basics of life then the game simply became about building and decorating my Sims' house! My Ex was kind enough to find me the cheat code for unlimited funds! Sim city was a bit more fun playing when you don't have the cheat codes! I HIGHLY recommend installing "The Sims" game on ALL high school students computers! A semester or two should be DEDICATED to playing "The Sims," and discussing the rules of life! The student who advances there character WITHOUT cheat codes to the highest career level gets a prize! The student who designs and decorates the most beautiful innovative Sims house gets a prize! The student who wins the most friends gets a prize! The student who amasses the biggest fortune gets a prize! The student who manages to adopt and support the most babies gets a prize and so forth! And all the students who manage to keep there Sims alive and happy PASS the class! :)

You get to create character's and families of any sort you want... but they won't get married etc. unless they like each other an are NICE to each other! It's the most brilliant video game ever created!

The teacher supervises makes sure the students don't wrongfully kill other players or use cheat codes. Leads life lesson discussions and encourages students to try different career paths. The teacher also gets a fair amount of free time to grade papers at school instead of unpaid overtime!

10th March 2013

4:18am: Creative Installment no. 2 to "The Midnight ride of Philip Revere..." (Wrote this last year)
The woman watched the steam billow in the air, white puffs catching moonlight. "Don't worry it's just a coal plant, they always do that." She nodded ignoring the grim truth and the double vision of some borrowed thought...

She was not sure when he'd changed, started hating her. She thought about the sarcasm in his voice the last time they'd spoken. "I don't understand why you're mad at me and won't let this go," she said silently to his remembered back. She knew he'd never answer 'cause she never asked him. Every time her mouth opened to lash back at him for his childishness or cruelty the words froze silent in her mouth. I can't hurt him by saying that. She imagined him the only person in the world she was unable to honestly confront. But it was just her imagination, she continually stifled angry truthful words. Closing her eyes she breathed deeply the arid air making her nostrils burn dryly. "I'm not here anymore," the woman said to the man driving. He looked at her confused. "I'm not here anymore and neither are you." "I'm exactly right here," he replied annoyed. "I know, but you're not you and I'm not me anymore," she said sadly.

"I'm not scared of anyone or anything right now, what about you?" she asked him cautious. He just looked at her with a perplexed frown. She looked at the smoke billowing toward the moon the coal plant looming ominously on the horizon. "I'm tired, lets find a hotel. And for once do you think we can stay somewhere nice?" "It's not MY fault, you're the one with all the weird requirements!" he responded defensively. "It's a challenge finding a nice hotel room with an outside door and close in parking space in a little town with not many choices." "Fine! Forget about the outside door, but the room needs to be on the ground floor with a good view," she responded curtly. "And someplace with room service!" she growled at him as he parked and began walking into a hotel they'd passed a few minutes before.

She looked around noticing a suited man with a rolling black briefcase bag getting quickly into an oddly marked black van. That's weird she thought to herself, noticing an edge of fear about him. He looked like a diplomat to her with his black perfectly cut hair and tailored suit. She did not expect anyone quite so tidy in this remote town. She looked at the smoke knowing why he was leaving like his life depended on it, then glanced at the child sleeping peacefully in the car seat. "I love you, I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a vacation," she whispered to the sleeping form.

The man who wasn't himself anymore unload the car, while she held the sleeping child. She laid the child on the bed, taking in the hot tub and neatly placed white towels. "I'm hungry, do you want anything from the bar? They don't seem to have room service this late." She padded quietly on bare feet to the bar envisioning stealthy ninja's and faded Kung Fu movies. The men seated to one side watching late night TV and chatting looked at her like they'd never seen a woman invade there male domain in search of milk and cookies. She briefly imagined a Turkish Turban and raised her chin in an angry defiant parody of the Saudi Princess of her imagination. The One her childhood friend had extolled her about if she should ever marry him! Perhaps the parody was more of her childhood self, as she glared at the boy and said "Well, if you're going to chop my head off for looking at another man, then I won't marry you EVER!"

The men got up quickly and left while she turned to the tall blond dressed more like a secretary than a barmaid. The woman's thoughts were as obvious as her smirk and question of what room to bill it too. The flat cold ninja stare and lifted eyebrow invaded her face like a whirlwind as she paid the woman with a bill instead.

They'd been happily married for several years, she'd walked in carrying their child and she still got THAT look. The same damn look of some stranger's assumptions. Her fair face and his weather-beaten sun damaged one seemed to provoke instantaneous comment. Bizarrely, the thought dissolved some of her anger at him. She took the snacks the woman handed her. Then she smiled, diffusing her own annoyance.

Back in the suite, she gazed out the window looking at the smoke and wondering if she was going to be able to sleep. A voice echoed in her head "Someone STOLE my room! SOMEONE STOLE MY ROOM!" She looked around searching for the strange echo and looking at her sleeping husband and baby. A smile tickled the edges of her mouth as she imagined a turbaned sultan storming into the room with saber drawn ready to oust the interlopers. "Sorry," she whispered. She closed her eyes remembering the last conversation she never had, "Keep going!"
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